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Monday, December 31, 2012

It's The Small Things

                                                                                    Choosing Life
   With death, life, tragedy, hope and heroes every where, life can teach you a lesson anywhere, anytime. The good ones are when you thought you had it figured out just to find you have only been chasing your tail the whole time. My husband has an unlikely friend. An older man, that we will call Arthur. Just like the King. My hubby runs a landscaping type business in the summer. Arthur was a customer he was just clicked with.  He was a thinker. He was in World War II. Plus, he owned a beautiful piece of land that always seemed to have deer running across. I am sure that helped! One day, my hopeful hubby asked if he could hunt there.  To his surprise, Arthur had been wanting to thin the deer and turkey out, because they ruined his wife's flowers and farmland. His wife was all up for it. She even said seeing my hubby and his brother go out into the woods, reminded her of her brothers going out.

  Sadly, and as life does happen, his wife died suddenly last year. It was sort of like that scene on Up. I won't even go there, but if you have seen the movie you know what I am talking about. I cry through the whole movie every time I watch it! Anyway, as you can imagine, it is so hard on Arthur. Thankfully my man goes over there all he time for hunting, and checks on him. Today they were talking, as they often do, about his wife. My husband has the kindest and biggest heart to sit by this poor guy crying, not knowing what to do or say, but still he stays. He talks. He listens. What they talked about today, I thought was very worth sharing. It deserves it's place in light of with recent events around the country, and following yesterday's post.

Tiny Regrets
  Looking back, Arthur, only regrets very small parts of his life. They are not small as in insignificant, or else he wouldn't sob over them now. They are small things, that he thought mattered, that didn't. Or rather small things that mattered and he didn't think they did.. With tears coming down his face, it was the money he didn't want to spend on the paint for the walls. She wanted to change the color of the kitchen walls. He said, I don't care about what color the walls are. It was twenty bucks.  I told her just wash them. In truth, he just never felt it was important and didn't want to spend the money. They kept track of the weather. The monitor was too tall for her, and she asked him all the time to lower it. He said he never thought about how it affected her. I never thought about her, he sadly said. It would have made her known she was important to him. Now, you and I both know, that that isn't true, and we don't even know the man. Yet these are the things he regrets not doing for his wife.

  Thankfully the hubs was there to tell him she knew she was important. That of course, she wasn't thinking about those things now. That she loves him... Oh, how proud I am of my husband.

 What I saw hit my him the hardest, was that here was a man he had grown to look up to, who on the outside appeared to have all the things he wanted out of life. A gorgeous house with hunting area, a successful business, a happy marriage, a kid who loved him, no big debts... Who now, is sitting across from him, telling him the answer to the big questions do not have answers.  Which is what my husband has been going through himself. Trying to figure out what he is supposed to do, where to spend his time, and ultimately what he invests his himself into. He has been doing a ton of soul searching and time alone to thinking in the woods. He was realizing the answers he had been searching so hard for, were not there. Nor would they ever be. For there was the proof, sitting right in front of him. This now broken man, pouring his heart out, with these tiny regrets. What was Arthur trying to tell him?! What he is left with is the walls he wishes he had painted. Beyond that he almost wished they were poor. That if he could have chosen to be poor, but at the same time had enough for bills, and their needs met, he would have done that in a heart beat. The big house, lots of land, the hobbies that took up all his time, were not important now.  He told about saying no so many times, to his wife, or his kids, that he found himself thinking, "Why did I just say no? I don't really care if they do that. He got into a mode of doing instead of living and thinking about what you are doing in it. He felt selfish, wishing he would have thought more about his family and how they felt. All of this is completely normal in the grieving process, obviously, and just as heart breakingly. (I just made that word up!) I don't even wanna think about what it would be like of my hubby goes before me. Even though I don't have to worry about it. Like I told him, we are gonna die at the exact same moment, in our sleep, at 99 and a half. We all do things we are not proud of, that we regret, or wish we could take back more than anything in the world. Let's all make a promise to cut this list way down, by slowing down, and taking a little more time do to love those close to us.

Why slow down? 
Blowing bubbles. Making fun out of a mistake!
  Our time is limited. Tragedy comes in all sizes, and on any day. Constantly I am praying for protection over my family and loved ones, but I am not going to take them for granted anymore. I could not say it better than my very good friend did in her post here at  FireHouse's blog. A lieutenant on her hubby's department, woke up a just days before Christmas, sadly to find their 2 year old son did not. Young or old, none of us are promised tomorrow. My heart breaks when I think about this. He even shared my son's first name. It hit me really hard, especially after being so upset with the shooting in CT. As many of us, my boys are the same age as many that were lost that day. Our time together can be so very short here on Earth. My blogger friend and fellow fire wife, Cindy wrote, "Even though most of you reading this don't know Cade and don't know our fire family, spend a moment honoring him too. Wrap your own family in your arms and make sure they know exactly how loved they are. In Cade's Dad's own words, "It is the little, everyday things, like reading a book to him or cuddling up to watch a movie together, " that you will miss the most. These everyday things are too easily taken for granted. So when you say good night tonight, don't shout it across the house. Draw your kids in close and breathe your love into their hair as you kiss them and squeeze them tight."
It's the small things they will remember.

Slow down
  So, do just that. Breathe in your life. Lean in extra close, every day, and breathe it in. That sweaty, sweet hair smell. That burnt fire smell. The sugar cookie smells. The burnt macaroni and cheese smells. Even the, "my brother is poking me in the eye for the hundredth time again" smell. Hahaa, or the "I can tell he wants to do it, and I am so tired my eyes are gonna fall out" smell. If you pictured waking up the next day and they don't happen to, would you have wished for that moment back? Would you wish for the minute it took to hug your kids or read them a book. or make love to your spouse. Now don't make yourselves crazy. Take time to rest and reboot, or you won't have the patience, nor the energy to keep those tears back when the milk eventually spills. Get sleep and eat well. Have balance, but use your emotions, fear, or worry, and turn it into a tool to bless your family.
  Breathe them in. Slow down when you can. Love and laugh every day. I hate leaving you on a sort of sad note. So I am gonna do what i do for my boys when they are battling bad thoughts before bed. Think of something funny. Like my baby peeing on me from four feet away! Thankfully he was in the bath tub and I had towels on the floor! I screamed like a little girl. My 7 and 5 year old thought it was hysterical.

  With that,  take care all of you Hotties out there. Is that a good nickname for you guys? I think y'all need one. Love to everyone. God Bless!


  1. Lyn, I can't tell you how much I hope to see you in Atlanta. You are a phenomenal writer and so sincere in your thoughts. I'm going to hug you so long! Love this post! I'll say some prayers for your hubs and Mr. Arthur too.

  2. Me too!!! It Is gonna be a great hug!! I can't wait. I really hope to go!!!! Thank you for commenting as always. You are a special person and so thankful for a fire wife sister. Your prayers are greatly appreciated !

  3. Wow, first time I read your blog. Thank you so much for the story, wisdom and insightfulness. My hottie is a volunteer fireman, works 60 hour weeks at regular job. It is so nice to hear from other wives. I will be back to read more of your wonderful writings.! Have to go hug my fireman now! Thanks for the reminder.

    1. So sorry I missed your comment! I hope you are still hugging him! xoxoo