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Monday, November 5, 2012

Bamboozled and A Baby

  Ones of the most frustrating things for me about being a fire fighter's wife, is that I feel like I was bamboozled.  When I am at my most weakest, most selfish, terribly tired points, the thought runs through my head, "I did not sign up for this!"  That seed of a thought starts a huge  negative downward spiral of destructive thinking. Otherwise known to most as a temper tantrum. This often finds me at about 5 or 6 am, when the baby starts to cry for the twentieth time that night.

Fighting Negative Thoughts and Postpartum

  You see, I am not morning person. At all. Since I can remember, it has been my enemy.  I resent waking up early. Shamefully, grumbling to myself about how I am the only one who can do anything it. Ironically, exactly like with my second boy, my hubs has up and ruptured two of his discs. Last time, he was unable to even pick up the baby for nearly six months. Now, five years later, the poor guy has done the exact thing again, right after our newest baby has been born. It is as if I am stuck in some awful loop. Doomed to repeat this seemingly exact set of circumstances, that nearly destroyed us and me, the last time. I wanna scream out, “Is this a test?! What did I NOT learn last time? Come on!”

  As if that wasn't enough, at the same time, he also decided to open a business, have a miraculous recovery of his back, and decide to join the fire department. Oh, wait,  and we lost our first home, having to move into the house directly next door to my in laws. At the time, it was a very hard pill to swallow.

Feeling Single

  Thankfully, we made it through that most difficult year. Still during my most frustrating moments, it is that thought I have to fight. The fact that I did not sign up to be a single parent drives me bonkers. Part of me, gets so angry when I feel alone and single.  Even more annoying, at the exact same time, I get to feel the opposite of single and worrying all day long about my hubby. Then the next thing you know, I am digging the single life, and comes home just long enough to mess up my mojo! Can anyone relate?! Only kidding! Well, sort of.

A Heads Up Would Have Been Nice

  My goal here is to help other wives out there avoid this fight all together. Joyce Meyers calls it the Battlefield For Your Mind. I call it brain ping pong. Whatever you call it, isn't worth our time and focus. In my house, I have so much to think about, I would rather this thought never plague me in the first place, ya know?

  Call it my good deed, my paying it forward, my rant at the world. Whatever. When your man asks to be a fire fighter, and you have kids, you will know what you are getting into. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my husband’s career for a second. He absolutely loves it. He comes alive there.  Honestly, tell me really, what else was he meant to do? He giggles when there is a fire. Our kids love that he is a fireman. They are so proud of their Daddy. Their faces beam when he comes to teach about fire safety at their school. Me?  Seriously, could care less what he does, as long as he is happy. If he made yogurt, I’d follow him. That is what being married is all about! Happily, instead I look at him and I get to see the greatness he was meant to be.

Counting my Blessings

 For when my tiredness has taken over my sanity and I have had enough three year old tantrums coming out of my mouth, it helps having a list of things to break me out of it. Most of the time it helps a lot. Of course there are times when the one hour of sleep will be the only be cure, but I that is another matter. I think of the military wives whom husbands are away for months at a time. I think of the friend who’s husband is in Iraq, and hasn’t even met their seven month old daughter. Yes the image of a Dad all cuddled up, giving his tired wife a break in the middle of the night, sharing the responsibilities, creating a bond over the pain of raising a baby, may never happen. Because I refuse to wake the poor guy who may have to go on a call or has been on a call all night. In reality, I would not be getting a break and more sleep anyways. I would be laying there listening, cause I know I would be done already, and it’d be done better. Oh,  just give me that baby already! Darn it! Whew, sorry! So, I tried it once with my first born. Haha haha.

A Volunteer Army

 Being part of an on call paid department has it perks too. I love the sort of freedom that comes with him sleeping at home verses a fire station, though some days that means less sleep for me, I am sure. He has more the option of going or not. Even though that has changed since he has become an officer. Also, you might guess, it is hard to find a flexible job that understands all the time he will miss.   This has sort of forced us to own a business to make ends meet. Can I get an Amen for no bosses?!

  When I married, I promised him I would follow him, where ever he might go. And go he has. Go. Go. GO. It is almost funny now, when he has to leave, rearrange, cancel countless plans, or miss an important event. Sure that is frustrating but think about what he is doing while gone. Saving.  Helping. Hero-ing.

So when your panties are in a bunch and feeling single, and not signed up for, think of me. Count your blessings and hug your family. If that isn’t enough, picture this. No one is promised a tomorrow. Is there a world you would regret how you are acting and feeling right now. Is there something you would do different about this moment if tomorrow wasn’t coming for him? I know I try not to let there be.

Tell me ladies, is there something you think of to get yourself out of a pity party?

Does any one else feel like they were bamboozled?


  1. It does get better! My husband was a football coach and teacher when my children were small and he was gone from very early morning to at least 7pm each night during the season...and it continued year round due to weight room. I felt like I was losing my mind. As the kids get older and more independent, there will be relief and a PAY OFF! You will eventually cherish the time you were able to spend with them (I know, I know, people tell you that all the time, been there done that and its impossible to appreciate it NOW). Hey, if you need to, put them in a safe spot and hide in the closet for a few minutes to cry or scream. You will get through it and grow from it. Just remember, its not forever and it is worth it.
    Abby SAHM for 11+ years.

  2. Abby Lindsay

    Also, my husband worked and worked (we were broke and broker) and when he eventually began to earn more money he continued to work and work beyond 'the call of duty'. Here's the thing: at the age of 37 he finally realized what he had missed. He has made it a priority finally this year to be HOME and put work 'in its place'. I think the realization smacked him HARD in the forehead. I understand that your hubby cannot do this right now (been there!) but keep an eye out for the perfectionist/workaholic tendencies and make sure to address them if you see them. We both regret his missed years.

  3. Abby, Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Your words are a great encouragement to me. It is sometimes so easy to fall into the work of being a Stay At Home Mom, that you lose the joy in it. our time is so very precious and short, so short, i am learning, that you have to stop and enjoy the moments. Even more important, to make sure you make time to have those moments. You are so right! I think it is so eas for guys to turn to work to escape hard things at home too. The more jobs the more chances to run, right!? LMBO!! Seriously though, something's gotta go! <3 me!

  4. ohhh my. I feel like this all the time!! We have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 7 1/2 month old! my hubs works at a full time dept and a part time dept. He also teaches fire school and is in charge of training for his pt dept. He's never here. There are times I just want to cry! I think of all the families who eat dinner together everynight, and who all those moms who have help with the evening/bedtime routine everynight. My baby still doesn't sleep all night, and sometimes my older one is up too! I throw myself a pity party when I see families out together on the weekends, and then there is me with my 2 boys, alone. I often have to remind myself that I knew about this going in. (my hubs has been a ff/paramedic for 19 years) I often joke that my hubs is just visiting when he's here...he doesn't like that, I wouldn't recommend saying that, lol. But, I know how you feel. We stand by them because that's what marriage is. We love them for who they are, and the job they do. It takes a special person to be a FF and a special person to be married to one!! Hang in there!!

    1. I totally get what you mean about visiting. J was gone so much this summer, the kids made him a "welcome home, enjoy your visit" sign. Ouch!

    2. Kristen, first thank you so much for commenting. That is so true about the why. The why of our marriage. that should be followed with music in the air, Bu Bu BUm! Fire life is tough. Thankfully you guys are there to pull me through right! hat has to be super tough to work at 2 departments.You are a strong lady!

  5. Oh yeah. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I married an elementary teacher. You know the kind that comes home for dinner every night and has the same vacations as me. I also agreed to 1 child. And, here I am married to a FF, with 4 kids and our vacations NEVER line up because 3 years in, he still low on the food chain for pics.

    1. That is aesome that you know exactly where I am comng from. I loved your guest blog on firefighterwife. I really related. I was like, hey, she DOES understand. Sometimes I get so frustrated, I just yell, I did not sign up for this!!! Then my kids look at me like I am crazy. Then I feel crazy. HAHA. What you said about accepting your life is not normal and move on- I think is gonna be my new motto.

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