In a previous blog I laid out my Surrendered Wife attack to save my marriage. Some questions have arose out of that... mainly how and when did I find the time and energy to do it 27 days in a row? Well, I wish I had an exciting answer for you. That one day I woke up an early riser, having no problem waking up. Or even that suddenly my kids turned to angels and went to bed easy and early giving me the time. No it was more like this, I made a decision, then my life got harder. Every thing possible happened that would ruin the normal time... that I would take advantage of the kids being asleep. The kids would stay up being colicky or with a nightmare till midnight. My hubby would have to go on a fire or medical call. Even my dog probably ran away.
Determined to accomplish my goal, I was willing to do whatever it took. At first, and I still have to overcome this sometimes, I was just not in the mood. Whether my love tank was just way below empty because he had just started training to be a firefighter, started a company, was so stressed out he hardly was himself, and if I did see him before eleven that day, he was so tired he would fall asleep telling me about his day. Possibly, because I felt like a cow, breastfeeding every hour- those things also didn't want to be touched. I was also drained from having a newborn and an 18 month old, trying to keep a military clean house. Which is ridiculous considering when I was little my favorite game was to go behind my mom and pull out all the clothes she had just folded and put away. So yes it was in my personality to be messy and not really care, but also I was reaping those seeds I planted with two very crazy messy boys at home, making it difficult to get any thingdone.
Night time was stressful. As I am writing this, my now four and five year old, are listening to me narrate as I write, trying to entertain them while I blog. My five year old said, "Yeah, they sure are!" Oh my gosh, how funny! So I would beg my husband some nights, "Is it OK if we do it in the morning? I am just too tired. On those nights I would ask myself, what do I want more? Intimacy, or an hour sleep? My body would say.. um F that!! An hour sleep. Some nights I could talk myself out of it. On the nights when I literally was falling asleep while I brushed my teeth I found a simple solution. You see I knew if I risked waiting till the morning the kids may wake up early that day, or even he may get a call. Then I would risk that devastating circle all over again. Resulting in crabby pants husband and me feeling like crap. So I had an idea.
Ever heard of an Afternoon Delight? Well this is my version, Midnight Delight. I started setting the alarm on my phone for in the middle of our sleep schedule, about four am. I usually woke up anyway in the middle of the night, so I figured why the heck not. It would guarantee my a spot in his schedule, that I knew I would always have. Normally, I would be more rested, just having a few hour nap, if I didn't have stop to breastfeed sometime in there, that is. It was also uplifting to my spirit that I was going to be able to go back to sleep afterwards.
I started to really try and make our time count that we did spend together, giving him opportunities to fill my love tank. What I mean by that is love me in the way I needed him to. In the book the Five Love Languages, it talks more about this. So, I would make sure the kids were in bed asleep, a couple times a week, even if it meant we singing and rocking those toddlers. The house would be clean, to his standards, not mine. His language, is acts of service, which meant a clean house was equal to sport scar for Christmas. My personality is Sanguine, which also means that the last thing I want to do, ever, is clean the house. That there is always tomorrow for that stuff, because today is meant for fun. His personality is Melancholy, meaning he sees dirt that isn't even there because he is so detail oriented and driven. You can only imagine what disasters this leads too! Anyway, I would try my hardest to have it all set up for a perfect peaceful night. It wasn't perfect every time, but what he saw was me trying to help. Putting forth a huge effort and having no idea why. He would ask and I'd say, thanks for noticing, but that was all. After the first month was up, I finally told him about my plan. Of course he got all red, blushing, and said, Well, will you hug your friend who gave you that book or me? That was an amazing moment in my journey to victory.
It was a hard and long (ha ha) process, but I am so glad I made that decision. We are closer each day. He is my best friend. I thank God for him every day, for giving im to me and for protecting him. Love you babe.
Let's get those comments going! You will feel sexy after! :) How many days staright have you made it? Have you had any crazy personality stories? Feel free to share. If it is too personal of a question go ahead and email me.