If you have been keeping up on the side, as a family, we have had a few rough weeks. My oldest started kindergarten, which I have yet to tell you why I deserve the worst mom of the year award, but I will later. Then to throw a wrench in our adjusting, my oldest gets a full blown inner and outer ear infection, which, with in one day, spread to the bone behind his ear. We rushed him to the ER to one of the best children's hospitals in the world. I will tell you more about that too, but for the quick low down, my friend wrote about it. She has a blog about all things mommy hood. You see, I feel homeopathy may have saved him! To read about that click here, at Everythingbirthblog.
Then the following week, my husband's Granny passed away. You can read a bit about her to catch up here at Saying See You Later. She was a big part of our lives. If you ever needed anything, especially an ear of without judgement, she was there. Looking back, I am so thankful we are in a position where we could drop what we were doing and go to her before it was too late. If this would have happened five years ago, there is no way my boss would have let me leave. Not without paying for it big time later, if you know what I mean. I can't tell you how blessed I was to be there with there when she left this world. Of course it was sad, but as I was praying over her, thanking Jesus', asking for angels to take her away, I felt like I was supposed to be there. Like she was watching all of us. Like Jesus was there, taking her hand. Inside, I pictured her young and beautiful, her polio gone, dancing and laughing.
Life is an amazing thing. It brings up such emotions, from who knows where. This loss we feels, this happiness, it is all so... surreal. And so were the days to follow. If you have ever had to help organize a funeral, you know what an emotional wreck you are, plus the amount of work that has to be done. We were basically going to do it all ourselves as a family. Photo boards, the food, buying the food, setting up the hall, talking to loved one's, how to deal with school, you know, all of that.
Needless to say, and wrongly, I neglected myself. I couldn't eat hardly anything. Only super healthy food would make me feel better. I even tried baked potato soup and the bacon made it too greasy! Waves of nausea would flood over me all day, for the next few days. Then the viewing came. I think all I had to eat that morning was a slice of turkey I stole off the meat tray and a cup of coffee I slammed. The night before my sister in law came over to help cook and look through photos. Yeah... three AM came way too fast, so the coffee was necessary.
We picked up my son from school at noon and I barely made the six minute drive there. I was driving and made my self car sick! My awesome husband ran in the school while I gasped fresh air outside, praying not to throw up in front of all these parents. All I could think about is the high heels I was wearing probably would make them think I was drunk or on drugs, and rumors were going to fly, (super uber small town). Next thing you know, my hubby will get a call from his chief saying, "Sergeant, does your wife have a drinking problem? She was seen and heard swearing and puking at 12 hundred hours, at your childs' school." Not what I need!! Hahaha!
Thankfully I kept my cookies in and we hopped back in the car, with me relinquishing the keys, not knowing what will be worse. Being a passenger or a driver, that is. We made it about three minutes down the road, before I yelled out, "Pull over!" Throwing open my door and spewing said cup of coffee and single piece of turkey all over the Wildlife Conservation Club's lawn. Where we were only a week ago, celebrating a friends' wedding I made the cake for. Isn't it funny how places hold such different memories?
Like the hospital, for example. While I hung on to the air in Granny's room, I looked around at who was there. My father in law, my sister in law, my husband.... How only a few short years ago, our faces held such tears of joy, when my both my boys where born just down the hall. How I held my first new born son, forgetting all the grossness of birth, and only seeing his gorgeous eyes. How I just fell apart when I saw him for the first time. Then how that exact feeling came over me with our second boy. Yet, now, how compltely different these tears the that were being shed in this room were that day. They were mostly sad and yet happy. At the same time, they were quiet, obeying, and helpless.
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| My oldest saying Hi to my second. |
Later that day, I told my sister in law. After the memorial, we ran to the grocery store as the pharmacy was closing. As I saw the gates going down I could feet my self start to run! My sister in law must have thought I was crazy! With my hand raised like I am waving down a cab, I yell, "Oh wait, can I have the key?!" Behind me, I heard her say, "What key?!" Laughing I looked back at her, "Yes I have bought my fair share of pregnancy tests" They keep them outside the pharmacy locked in a glass case. My local pharmacist laughed and handed me the key. She let me know to not get my hopes up because there was a serious stomach flu thing going on, but she hoped it was positive for me. Darn, I thought. Oh well, no time to think!
After we flew into my driveway, I told my sis that previously, I never wait the whole minute to check the results. You can tell as soon as it starts turning. I actually thought it was negative at first, so I came out of the bathroom with a pout lip, telling her, "Man,..." Then she said, put that down! Wait a minute!" Then suddenly another lined appeared as I was setting it down. Like a spring, I snapped that thing back up to look again, and I hear,"PUT it down!!" As I realized what had just happened, my life 180'ed in one second, I replied, "No, the stripe...." Again a, "Put it down!", came out of her mouth. Laughing I said, "No, you don't understand! It is positive!" then ran at her with my proof. She met me half way down the hall and we both started jumping up and down! I don't know why we ladies do this jumping ritual. Trust me every time I do it, I hesitate, and then I am over it in a millisecond, forgetting to be embarrassed. Next thing you know, my wonderful excited friend and I, are both jumping. Of course, I start screaming. Then she starts screaming. You know, the whole deal. Basically freaking out, holding hands, facing each other, screaming and jumping.
Two seconds later, both of our husbands fly through our front door, demanding to know, "Is everyone OK? What happened?" Later he told me he and his brother heard us scream, as they stood outside next door, at my his parents' house. He said when they heard me scream, his first response was, "She's pregnant," but when they heard my sister in law join in, he thought, "OR they caught the rat we are hunting." (EWW! Yes a rat! Country life folks! Yet another topic for another day.)
So thank God we are celebrating a baby and not a rat. I know that the normal tradition, at least in the states, is to keep your pregnancy a secret until you are eight weeks in. Yet, I feel it goes against many of the things I believe in. Number one faith in God, that everything will be OK. Also it goes against my whole speaking positively thing I have going on. Here is a couple past posts about speaking positively. If I can't even talk about this, hopefully girl, growing in my belly, how I am I using my faith? The faith I believe that says there is power in our words. How can I speak health and calmness in this baby if I can't use one of the most powerful tools I know how? My words. Therefore I decided to share this crazy hot chapter in my life. That if anything does happen, which it won't, I will need support too. Plus, if I can help others' and glorify God at the same time, (doing it the way he intended, together) I am super proud to do so. It is OK if you choose to do differently. It is completely understandable. I am just choosing to put my faith into action, in my favorite way. Talking!!
Any who, whatever you take away from today's entry I hope you take this. Life never ends. It is too short to. That the oldest persons' hand you hold, was once a baby. Keep loving on our "olds" like you will want to be. Make sure they know how you feel about them, and each person you care about. Maybe take a few minutes today and write some a note, text, or message, telling them something that you love they do, or cook, or how they played with your hair when you were young. Or how their words or a gentle ear has changed you and your family forever. We all know tomorrow is a gift. As a firefighters' wife I guard my heart closely when I think about being with out my husband. Every once in awhile, if you are emotionally stable enough to do so that day, is good to appreciate him in that way. Think about how you would miss all the little things. Even the things that make you crazy. None of us want to get old until the option to is taken away.
Thank you for letting me share my awesome news with you! Who else is pregnant out there?! Any tricks for having a calm tummy? Do you have an awesome story about how you found out you were pregnant? Or how you told your family? We would love to hear from you! As always, God bless and have an awesome day!
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