Mom Says Thanks to Fire Fighters on Behalf of Daughter Lost to Cancer

   September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  As a fire fighter wife, I know that, though I hate to admit it, sometimes what gets me through days when I wanna strangle my family, is thinking of situations when they may not be here anymore. Now, you know how I feel about spreading fear, worry, and doubt. If you don't, please read here before you go on. With this life style, supporting a fire fighter, you really have to be careful what you focus on, or you will drive yourself crazy. (On a side note, if you can not shake your worry, I share what I do about that in this post.) So I think to myself, how would I feel about this fight if something bad happened, which it won't, to my hubby tomorrow? Or what if that was my child in that accident he is fleeing to?
  Well, the following story is one I hate even thinking about. In fact, for a year now I have been avoiding reading this whole story every time I see my dear friend post it on Facebook, well, like the plague. I had read just enough to know I didn't want to be sad at that time in my life to read anymore.  Not wanting to add any reality to my otherwise selfish thought to make me forget how I am frustrated at the time. I say selfishly, now, only because that is how I am feeling after reading Donna's story. The things this poor girl and her family had to go through is heart breaking, and I feel selfish for avoiding the ugliness of it all. Now, I know, our situations are different than most wives out there. That I truly believe we need to avoid inundating our lives with negative sad stories, since we will already know more than the average. We need to be strong for our spouses and not be full of fear, because it immobilizes us. Once in a while,  I think we all need to get some empathy for humanity in us, and all around us. The type that we can use for good, as in Donna's Good Things, that we should humble ourselves to share in another's pain. So we can see other people around us as they are.

This is beautiful Donna. Feel Free to save and share her picture and story. Her Mom gave her fans permission to the other day.

                                                                                                  

  The fact that Donna's Mom can even think to thank the Fire Fighters and Service Men that were there to cheer her up humbles me so. There are times when I  get aggravated when he has to leave, like after I spent all day on dinner, or if he had to leave from a special birthday party or something. It is stories like these that make me zip my lips and say a prayer, instead of getting resentful. It may be inconvenient for us, but someone may be fighting for their life at the time. I wanted to personally thank Shelia Quirke for having the courage, love, strength, and just pure heart, it takes to share her story. Donna is a precious girl and it breaks my heart to think you don't have her to hold. My three boys will get many extra squeezes because of her. Though we have never met, and probably never will, you have changed our lives forever. What is awesome, is that I bet there are many, many of us out there that can say the same.  I am sure Donna looks down on you often and beams proudly, telling God and all the angels, all about your family.

  Here is the link to today's entry into Donna's Story. Sheila's blog entries are featured in the Huffington Post this month. Each day they post a new entry. She has created a special chaity called Donna's Good Things, in the name and memory of Donna. Who by the way, was named for her grandmother Donna, who sadly also passed away from a brain tumor.  I highly recommend, when and if you are emotionally stable, to read the whole thing. When I am at the brink of throwing in the towel mentally, this has made me stronger. It is yet another reminder,  at 3 am, while I am sleep exhausted and mental, to soak the moment in. That this time passes by so fast. Remember that this all some people get with their children. sadder even are the ones who never got this much. Who would give anything for one minute of this. To drink it all in. Thick and full. To stare at those long eyelashes. Linger in each hug a second longer. Answer why, one hundred more times. To breathe in that baby smell. To pull my husband closer. Feel him breathe. Hear his heart beat under my ear. To slow down and savor more moments. To make love as often as I can muster it. Scratch my boys' backs as they fall asleep. Even, yes, read two stories, and maybe even three.

  For now, love to all, and thank you for reading! Also, a special thanks to all our men helping others! This post from Sheila shows you how much what you do, means to other people. Though you may not get to hear all of it, they are thankful. During all of the politics and high school drama, (that we all know can come with a department and building leaders) that when you come together it makes all the difference. In this brotherhood and sisterhood bound by fire, we forge together, to persevere on, even if no one sees it. Even if it is only by one of us supporters, making a heroes' dinner.  Or standing strong at an airport for a family who needs to lean on your strength. Harder still, if that means there is a side when you come home and lose it. Again and again. Don't despair. Your wives are so very proud of you.

All my love-

September 11, 2001 We Will Never Forget

  When my husband wanted to become a firefighter, one of the first things that came to my mind was 9-11. Do I really want that sort of risk to become entangled, some how, in our future too? Let's be honest. Of course not. Though it really made me do a gut check. On this day, the tenth year anniversary of that awful horrible day, when so many lost their lives, victims and heroes alike. The ripple was felt world wide. Our nation hasn't been the same since.
  We can all look back to where we were when we heard the news. We were getting married in three weeks, and I was finishing last minute things. I had just dropped my husband off at his work and dropped in next door to get an oil change, before I ran to get the marriage license. On the little TV they had in there, I saw something I thought was in a movie, a plane crashed into a tower. No one seemed to be watching in the oil change place. Actually, it was my day off of work too, so I went home to take a nap. A couple hours later, it was like waking up to a disaster in a movie. Everyone was going crazy. Lines were forming at gas stations and grocery stores around our house. I soon found out the crash that changed our great nation forever.
  One of the first times I really freaked out and got hysterical from worry about my firefighter, was when we were talking about 9-11. He has just been through a class in academy on it. How the elevators and exit strategies didn't work. How the 343 men who'd lost their lives was affecting him. Listening to his words my thoughts trailed off. I remember hearing how firefighters had enough time to write on their helmets good bye notes to loved ones. That is when an image came to my head that I never want to even think about again. But I will, for you... My husband, writing a note, to me and our two young babies. I say this welling up with tears. Though it was my husband's reaction, always the hero, reaching out into that cloud, that save me. He told me that he would not write a note. That he would fight. That he would scratch and fight and find a way out.
  I know that is a promise, that still may not make it all better in an end, that will never happen. That he would fight, made me feel better. To those who lost their loved one, whether it be a father, a fire fighter, policemen, a husband, a friend, we all lost something. A piece of freedom, a piece of security, a piece of us. To many it may be the realization and horror that their are those who want to do America harm. Yes, we aren't perfect but I think we do represent what is good out there in the world. Freedom. Faith. Love. Loyalty. Honor. At least I hope that is what other countries think of us. * Let's strive to be that place, I believe we still are. After all, isn't America supposed to be the ultimate place of melding together? Of putting aside our differences to help each other out?
  Looking back I am glad that as a family we felt it was important for my husbands dream of becoming a firefighter, not to be squashed or ended my my selfishness and doubt, that he wouldn't come home. Thankful that I found out who's I was and what that meant. That we all, (MAN I love that word, all. It is so encompassing. Maybe it is the 2 L's. Say it with my child, allllll. ) That we all have seeds of greatness in us. That we are all Davids facing our Goliath's, our own giants of the world. BUT that if you believe, in something so amazing, and magical, for there is no better word for it in my opinion, of the fact that we can do all, love that word, all things with God, actually Christ more specifically. Which means he is going to be fine. That God is in control. He does protect him because I pray for him to. That when you pray, He is gonna answer in his time. That if something ever did happen, which it won't, He will also give me the strength to get through that too. What is even more exciting is that He will make all things work out in our favor. All folks. All!!! If you can wrap your head around that you should be excited. Well, I guess that is all I gotta say about that. This isn't really the direction I planned on taking today, but it must be for a reason. Love you all. God Bless. We Will Never Forget. Hug your loved one's. For no one wants to get old until the chance to is taken away. Love your wrinkles, (OK, so I lied. ;)  Hugs!

Standing Up to Your Fear

   Isn't it funny, how as soon as I teach, or learn something life changing, I am tested on it. After I had shared with everyone what helps me over come worry and fear, I was tested. I wasn't prepared for the war that was coming. The next day, I was supposed to go shopping for my first borns, very first backpack for kindergarten. Now, whatever the reason was, that he was growing up so fast, because business is tough and stress is high, or because I am trying to get pregnant and coming off birth control and am hormonal, or because of my past where I was labeled a reject,  that I was feeling the pressure of this shopping date.

  All day, it hadn't bother me. We made plans with my mother in law to go shopping with Liam to pick out his backpack. It was fine. I hadn't really even thought about it. About midnight my husband came home from a call. We started talking, like we always do, about the day. All of a sudden, I got a sad feeling while I told him of my back pack date. Then these words slipped out of my mouth- I think I am having anxiety about picking out this thing. Which started my brain, my thought process, into a downward spiral.
 Notice what happened, I spoke, than I felt worse. As soon as those words came out of my mouth I knew I wanted to shove them back in and take them back. I felt like I had literally opened the door for an attack. Now, my enemy, knew my weak spot. I am not even kidding, I felt like I had been given a crazy pill. That I was back in time, fifteen years ago, when I had to battle moment to moment to keep my self esteem. When I felt ugly, stupid, unworthy, and that no one would ever want me to be there's. There was a golf ball in my throat and a rock in my stomach. My tears started to burn my eyes. I felt weak, like the life, my confidence, my power, was being sucked from me. I was filling with fear and doubt. Then complete terror. Now, understand, my husband can be inside a house fire, five feet away from 1800 degrees of flame, and not be scared. So this intense fear, like I said, was just not a part of me. As my awesome husband, heard me pour my heart out, lay all the concerns and just plain freaked out, he said, Lyn you know what to do. Instead of doing, what was holding me down, I just sat in it. It was like something was holding me down by the dangling ball in the back of my throat. Holding it saying, I got you now! Where you gonna go? You are going to sit here and I am going to destroy you! (Ominous tones drop.. dum dum dummm...)  Crying in bed, laying down, actually laying in the fetal position, I explained how I felt that this decision, of the infamous backpack, would determine his whole life. That whatever he picks will rank him forever, in school, and possibly make or break his whole life. How my siblings and I had such a hard time in school, being made fun of, physically and verbally abused by all of our classmates. It was really hard to live through and I certainly didn't want to see it happen to my kid, let alone it be my fault.  I knew how mean kids could be. Quickly, it turned from concern for Liam, to fear of not being a good enough mom. That in this five years that he has been alive,we have had sooo much going on, that I am not he mom I thought I would be. I am a yeller. I scream actually. Maybe because two boys are super loud, and they love playing ninja or dragon hunter, which may result in an eye poke... every five seconds. I thought I would be this fun, happy go lucky, never cry over spilled milk, flowing like water, leave it to Beaver, sexy, mysterious, mom. Is that so much to ask? I pictured his teachers looks of disgust as they gawked over the lunched I would pack, or saying, your mommy let's you watch how much TV? Then i started thinking what was it he doesn't know that it was my job for him to know. Like sharing, being polite, being an ambassador of God, empathy for others, zipping his jacket, being able to cut a circle, or even being able to put some facial features on a drawing. Which he is so stubborn wouldn't do till months ago. Would everyone be way ahead of him because I chose not to put him in kiddie prison, I mean preschool? Would his self image be hurt? Then it turned to blame. I spend too much time cleaning, even though you would never know it by looking at my chaotic house. Not enough time telling them how special they are to me. How awesome they are. Reading more books with them. Having them sit in my lap everyday to read, being patient and calm the whole time. No one digging their toes into my skin, or breaking  my new necklace, fighting for space in my lap. Teaching them how to sound words out. It went on and on. Finally, I was sobbing, I just gave up talking and said, hopelessly, desperately, defeated,  I just don't know what to do.
  This is when it pays to have your partner believe too. After what felt like forever, Micah put his hand on my shoulder, and said Lyn, this is not how you feel. You are an awesome mom. Of course you want to spend more time with the kids, one on one. They are super smart. Both spell their names, recite our phone number, count very high, draw and build amazing things. They can read some and sound out words, even Caden. With all that is on your plate, that is amazing.  Liam can multiply, add, and subtract. You are beating yourself up for no reason.
 My ears were listening, and on any other day, I wouldn't have ever let myself get past that first thought of self doubt, but nit on this day. For some reason I could just not shake it. Nothing Micah was saying was helping. I knew he was right. That what he was saying was true, but it didn't change how I was feeling. Usually we talk and I feel better, but I remember thinking I am lost. His words of affirmation didn't calm me, validate, or reassure me I was doing all I could, being the best mom and wife I could be.That was devastating to me. I felt like the wind had just been taken out of me. Looking back I remember sort of raising my arms to say something, holding my mouth open, waiting for my brain to work itself out and revelation to some out of it. Yet nothing came, no relief, no comfort, nothing familiar, just silence, a devastated heart, and hot tears.
  Still sounding empathetic, he said, "You know what you have to do, Lyn. Call out against it." Then his voice changed, getting frustrated at something. Something that was not me.  He got angry, realizing that someone was messing with his wife and that she was beyond helping herself. Just then, like someone had shaken the pop bottle that is Micah, all his muscles tensed up behind me. A serious and angry tone came out from behind me, where he was sitting, "This is bullsh*t. The devil is beating with you." Then he got even louder, deciding he was going to end this. He said, "In the name of Jesus, this is not going to destroy you for another second. You are not going to worry about it anymore."
 Then a miracle happened. My heart topped pounding im my chest. The feeling like I wanted to throw up lifted up and out of me, like a wave. I felt the heat leavenmy cheeks and the muscles in my face relax. My fists came undone, and I stopped shaking. My tears stopped like someone turned off a faucet. Instantly I felt relief, like I had come back through from the rabbit's hole, into my body. A tremendous weight had been lifted off my chest and I could breathe.
 It was so late, probably one in the morning, plus being exhausted from our battle and victory, we nearly both fell asleep, leaning on each other, side by side.  Before I  fell deep past the point of no return, I quietly mustered out a thank you to my knight in shining armor, my dragon slayer. Then I fell asleep saying a quiet prayer to God. He had rescued me again, stretched my thought process and love for my spouse, yet again. I fell asleep pondering why we let ourselves be tortured like that.What a strange process, fear is. Fear holds us back, that is it's goal, to hold us still, unmoving, like a building forgotten in time. Action overcomes fear. Now hear me, concern is not the same as fear. Having common sense is not the same as being afraid. Being afraid will hold you in a pattern, and will control your life. Everything you do and know will be steered by the action to overcome that fear. Some wise guy once said, ha ha, that Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. It takes action to move through it.

 I had to remember what I had been doing these past five years. Fighting an on going battle. My very best to be who my family needs me to be, so they can be who I know God meant them to be. In doing so, I would end up who I am suppose to be. That I was all those amazing things that I had pictured growing up. Who has been raising these guys, after all? Hadn't I taught him, unknowingly my beliefs? Hadn't I this whole time been showing him, too? Yes, I am not perfect. Yes it isn't all cupcakes and ice cream. That I do have to be the bad guy sometimes, do timeouts, or yell to get anyone to even hear me, over all that ninja sounds, while I try and make a seven layer cake that looks like a chicken. It is good for them to see me not be perfect, because I don't expect them to be either.  That I am the one who has raised my kids. The weapons I fall back on to get through life, they will use to, because they see and hear us use them.  Shoot, this winter, my car started after I screamed at it, 'You WILL start in the name of Jesus Christ!" It was so funny. Man I was mad. I did not want to unpack two kids out of snow pants and into another car. That these principles have helped me in every area possible, and I will just have to use them here to have to confidence to know they will be OK. After all, I ended up pretty alright.  Only on a handful of occasions has such an attack ever happened to me. Evey time, it always comes down to the last straw, when I get into this funk of negative thinking and self bashing. Then once I realize that I have been bamboozled, I get so disgusted. I think how dare you! Then I remember, I have my sword on me. Why am I not drawing it out? Then I put on my boxing gloves and use my words and my convictions. Then I usually explode and scream out some verses that apply. I am not made to fear or doubt. I am made in the likeness of God. When Jesus was sacrificed on the cross, he bore all my sickness, disease, and pain, so that we could go meet his Dad when we die. He conquered death and came back so that His Name would be the most powerful word spoken. So that one day, every knee will and must bow to it. If you are in the spiritual realm, that day is today. So, Go! Now! I command you in he name of Jesus, you are not welcome back.
  Before you think I am crazy or some Jesus freak, I am not. My hubby and I used to play Dungeons and Dragons, I have gay friends that I love, half of my best friends are divorced, I have a tattoo, I love anime and all things ninja or samurai, Kill Bill 2 is my favorite movie, I used to smoke pot, I don't like to drink, and my favorite paintings are ones that have pretty naked ladies in it, like from the Renaissance period.  Yes, I am also a Christian. I am a business owner, I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a sexy, mysterious artist who loves Shakespeare and music with loud bass. I  love the oldies and Sublime. My Dad raised me on Cat Stephens, my mom, on baking and  R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (Find out what it means to me... ) I can not separate me being a Christian from all those things. Without being a Christian I would not be who I am either, just as much as all those other fun things. Otherwise all of that, would help no one. With your story, and your personality, you can relate to someone, that no one else in the entire world could but you. Without being a Christian , the me I like, no one would know I exist. No one would be better for knowing me. I couldn't serve or help anyone being broken, trapped in fear and self loathing.
  I see it all the time these traps people put themselves in. Some days things do not effect us the same way. It is our attitudes that start the whole thing. Remember to treat yourself right so it is easier to be positive. Get enough sleep. Eat enough healthy food so you don't get crabby or overwhelmed. Know your limits.
 The most important thing i learned the other night, was that my husband was there for me. That the power I needed shot down from heaven, through his words, from God, to save me. That when you can't speak for yourself, you NEED to ask for someone to do it for you. There is power in unity. That whenever two or more stand together in agreement and come to God you are stronger than alone. I truly believe with all my heart, that we aren't meant to do it alone. That anything worth doing, is going to need more than one's strength. Something I heard once that always stuck with me, is if I was going to have a dream, make it so big that God Himself, is going to have to help you accomplish it. The people that are in our lives are here on purpose. We are together, in this time, on purpose. We are reach out and to lean God, but also the people we know. Learn to ask for help. A lot.
So has anyone taken the first step and started speaking as if everything you say will come true? Do you feel any different? What has been your experience.I know that speaking positively, out loud is a little odd, and definitely using the Bible's words out loud as a weapon is also really hard to do it at first, but it works. I wanna hear what your experience is! Let me know! Did I quit smoking after years because everyday I told myself they were gross? Or was that a fluke? ... just wondered...

"Fear Is The Mind Killer"

  People ask me all  the time how I don't worry about my husband when he is on a scary call. First of all, I have a word of advice, if you know someone who would be worrying about someone, do not ask them how they don't worry about them. Let me tell you, if they weren't before, they probably will think about it now. Why make them battle that thought again, when they very well may have already a hundred times that day. A second word of advice, do not ask them while said loved one is on, said, extra scary call. Let's give these supporting players the support they need too. Shall we?  Not only does this include fire fighter wives, but police, military, and even some one's spouse who travels a lot. It is our responsibility to be watch what we say. Let's do our part not to spread fear and doubt, since we are on the subject.
 The title of today's entry is a quote from a  (dorky, yet I loved it) sci-fi series, called Children of Dune. If you like Start Trek go watch it. Anyway, it is from this show, but I am telling you, this line should be in the Bible.
  My answer is usually pretty simple, I don't worry because it just isn't in me. That is usually followed by head tilt, an eyebrow scrunch, and a confused stare. Then, of course, because I can't control my laugh, I giggle. Which I always feel bad about, thinking I seem rude. I 'm just nervous, not being able to find the words so, on the spot. That is why I love this blogging thing...oh the luxury of backspace and spell check. 
  About seven years ago I began studying how to conquer fears. Wouldn't you know, fear is all over the place in the Bible. Though when I really started to see what it said about the subject, I was surprised at what I felt I had read. What spoke to me is that God wasn't this judging bad guy, condemning everyone to Hell because they were "bad." That you could never earn your way into Heaven. That going there is more like a gift that He created for us, hoping more than anything, we will choose to be buddies with him, accept his gift and go there so we can chill forever. I know it sounds silly, but that is the truth. To find out more pick up a Bible and start reading the new testament. :)
 Back to fear. Fear is not in me because I choose to not worry. I do not worry because I guard my thoughts. If a thought comes in and attacks me and my sanity, I put on the Armor and Shield that I carry with me everywhere I go. I call out, I speak against it, and it must go. Second Timothy 1:7 NKJV says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." What I hear when I read this is that, God does not give us the spirit of fear. Say it to yourself, slowly. Say each word slowly. He gives us the power, did you hear that, the power of love and a sound mind! Think about this, at the beginning in Genisis it says that God is love. He made the Universe. He put that power of love inside of us. If you can absorb the gravity of that, you should be really excited. Especially, if you also believe that all things are possible, with God.   If you know that God doesn't give us fear, it must come from something else does. Since there is light, there is dark. A yin for a yang. What does the Bible say about that? In it's stories, it says that fear keeps us from utilizing God's power.  Dt 1:22, and from opportunities.  Ex 2:7-8. That faith overcomes it. Jn 6:18-19. I think that faith is an action word. It requires us to do something. To fight that fear, with the power that God gave us. One weapon, faith, knowing and expecting God to do what he says.  Second, love, or His Armor, which is the Word he left us to use as His weapon to get through life. Sort of a road map if you will. Third, our words and exceptations. For the power of life and death are held in the tongue.  Proverbs 18:21. That our words steer our lives like a bit in a horse's mouth. James 3. It reveals what is in our hearts, showing what we are made of.  Lk6:45. So out loud, which I know is very odd at first, find a verse that promises you what you need, health, sanity, whatever, they are all in there-trust me. Then, out loud, tell it to go because this is what the word of God says. Therefore, it has to listen. I know it is weird, but it works. Don't give up.
 Often it is our very words that rip up the seeds we sew in life, ruining our harvests. I go around saying all the time, that God protects my husband. That he is healthy and strong. That angels help him in whatever he needs to do. That he helps as many as he can. I say  it like it is a magic spell, every word coming out physically manifesting in front of my eyes. Because it does. Why even one story God took away a man's speech until he could get his speaking right. Until he wasn't going to mess up the miracle God was planning, allowing this couple to get pregnant. Even though God promised he would give them a child, one so special, he would give him more family than there were stars in the sky. He doubted. He was probably ninety nine years old, so it was highly unlikely. But man, if God himself tells you something you would think you'd believe it, right?
  Well if that were true, how can I worry about my husband. He feels that God has called him to be a fire fighter. I need to trust that He will protect him. If something happens, which it won't, I will deal with it then. That God will make everything better. That he will work it out, because that is what it says. Call me old fashioned or child like, but I am just gullible enough to believe it. Thank God. Worry and fear is a waste of time and energy, resulting in me torturing myself. Plus, my husband needs to know I am not a basket case anytime he is gone. How can I do that? If God gave this dream to him, than he surely gave him the strength to do so. That if he is out there beating up demons, fighting in God's name, that God is with him. That there are armies of angels fighting right next to him. Standing over that OD patient. Fighting to bring back that heart attack victim. Putting out that house fire. That I am praying and he is hearing me. It says that if you believe that you when you pray, if you believe you already have it,  that you will receive it. So I know, in my heart that when I pray for his protection, he will cover him in it.
 Worry is pointless. God knew that. It is a trick to distract us, to hurt our hearts, and poor little battlefield of a brain. Another book that talks about this is Battlefield for Your Mind by Joyce Meyers. In here she explains that the battle is over our mind. That if Satan can win us over inside, that we are a waste to the war that is going on outside. Remember in my last entry, when I talk about the fact that I am NO man. Well that means I have a place in this battle too. One that only I can do. In these situations it is to, believe. Beyond a shadow of a doubt what the Bible says is true. That he gave us the authority and power through Jesus Christ's Holy name. Through his death he overcame Satan. He overcame death by rising from it. (I know this is again hurting some one's brain. Mine did too, don't worry, it will all come together in a minute.) So everything under Satan's power because of that victory, must now bow down and listen to him. There is power in Him. On days that I get a negative thought, I stop it right in it's tracks. Sometimes I pray, which helps. As a woman of strength, you must recognise that you are now a threat. That you may need to whip your sword out. You may need to step out in front of that demon, rip off your dented helmet, reveal your dirt striped face, burning with rage and beauty. Hearing the shling of the sword and the weight of the steel in your hand, seeing and feeling those eyes on you, what will you do? Will you draw out your sword, move through and past your fear, into action, moving on faith, screaming out. "In the name of Jesus Christ, you are not welcome here! I was not given a spirit of fear but of a sound mind. Therefore, on the word of God (Carl Orf music rising in the background) You shall not pass!!!" Or will you curl up and be frightened. Wilt and die?

  If you aren't familiar with some of these concepts, I encourage you, go to a Bible. Go to the back in the index and look up these things. Fear, words, faith, love, expectations. I am not perfect in my opinion, nor do I have all the answers. However I am very confident I know someone who does. If you are willing to be look for yourself, I think you will hear this truth ring true for you. Again, I know this is not the normal thing for overcoming fears, but it is what has worked for me. Hopefully you will be open enough to try it too.
 So have faith your husband has been placed in this spot and time for a reason. That you are created to be one an other's cheerleader. Try and keep yourself positive. Find some easy things to distract your mind if you feel under attack or vulnerable that day. Add that to your Self- Care sheet. The key is to remember to use it. I like to keep mine on my mirror or fridge. Make your Self- Care lists work for you. Fill your love tanks. Keep yourself well rested. Their are times when we just have a bad day and it is easier to get to us. Please remember when we don't have the strength to do it on our own, all you have to do is use your faith. Put it to action and call out. Action overcomes fear. Go running afterwards. Cuddle with your kids. Then, for God's sake, the next time you feel like withholding a little love from your husband, remember why you would worry, in the first place. Which you won't. It is because you love that man. Now go make out with him like you are Maid Marian after she is rescued from that evil sheriff, in Robin Hood, after she cries, "Oh Robin!". The one with Kevin Costner. Then they run at each other like they are about to die, as Bryan Adams sings.... I would die for you..... you know it's true... everything I do... ohhhhh .. Yeah you know the rest... I know it. ;)