Being a firefighters wife is a tough bit. Four years ago my husband asked my a question that would change my life forever. Can I be a fireman? At this point in my life, all I wanted to do was scream, "No! Are you crazy?", but he knew that is not what I would say. By then I had read a few hundred people skills and success principal books, that I knew I could not answer no. What kind of wife would I be? Well, one that loved her spouse very much. One who already had one small child, with another on the way. Also one who knew her husband. That he needed to be who he felt God was calling him to be. Any warrior needs to be a warrior, or he will just shrivel up and become a waste of himself. Like a sun bleached flag, torn and waving in the wind. I also could feel the princess well up inside my throat screaming, "I know you my hero, my love! I know it is you." You see, every girl is really a princess waiting to be fought over. Longing for a hero to slay that dragon and carry us away to love forever. Therefore, there is also a fierce knight, looking for that dragon to slay, so he can save his princess. To be the hero in his own story. No, this is not brainwashing from Disney. This is the way, I believe, God wired us.
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Did I like that he was going to be a firefighter? No, not really. I did get flashes of my man turning all muscles and carrying me through doorways and such, but alas, reality was quite different. Yes he did get hotter, ladies, if you must know, but I was not blinded by his muscles. I had to make a decision. Was I going to be what he needed? Or wimp out and make up some excuse. Well, if you know me, I do not quit, ever. "Can't", is not in my vocabulary. With the help of some friends, family, and mostly books, I decided to do what was necessary. Change my attitude and my actions. They are the only thing I could control, so I tried my hardest to keep them in check.
The first years of a firefighters training and schooling is a huge time commitment. Plus if you are a volunteer, as our County is, you also have your full time job to keep up with. Literally they are working, studying, or on a call 19 hours a day. Nearly every day. For two years minimum. Well, my love language is Quality Time, so you can only imagine how empty my love tank was for those two years. We always tried to spend as much time together as we could, but they were a long two years.
In a short version, ladies, if you are going through this now, with your loved ones, my advice is you are going to have to suck it up. You are going to have to be independent with yourself and totally dependant on God, in my opinion. You may have to set an alarm for the middle of the night to catch your hubby. Maybe have to arrange that the are kids gone when he gets home to get a quality conversation out of him. You may even have to ask him about something you
know he will never shut up about just so you can hear him talk. Otherwise he has to move on to the next project. Are you going to have to be creative? Yes. Are you going to be mad sometimes? Like a hornet... Yet, you are also going to be proud. Can you do it? Yes! Well, I could. Not on my own and definitely not in my own strength. Thankfully, now I have the best marriage. We have been married for almost ten years, though I feel like it has been ten weeks. I have never felt closer or safer. Worry hardly ever creeps up on me. If it does, I know exactly what to do, and it is gone in moments.
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| My dragon slayer, Micah |
I started this blog to help out other firefighters families and wives. So they would know there is hope. That there is someone out there going through it too. We are the glue that holds the team together. For without us no one could function. This is here to help keep you laughing and keep you proud of your husbands. Stay tuned because I am going to lay out as much as possible on the table. I am going to talk all about the tricks, books, and other things I did to help me out in these sizzling times. Make sure you join so you don't miss out! If you ever need anything feel free to ask!
Well, CakeGirl wants to know, what did you say when your hubby asked you if he could do something crazy?
Whenever I've been in a relationship, unless it was one of those things that is against anything I'd allow. I say go for it. For me I talk about my fears and agree to jump in, I figure if it ever becomes too much, I can change things to cope, whether he changes what he is doing or I lean on friends for support. Also I think having a strong relationship and good communication with your partner helps.
ReplyDeleteAnd trust is key, trusting they will make good choices, trusting that after all the change that the relationship will still be strong. Trust allows me not to worry in crazy or uncomfortable situations. It also helps to have faith that all will be okay and that things are meant to be. And I absolutely agree that letting your partner do what they are passionate about is very important. I once had a partner who crushed my hopes and dreams, never supported me and tried at every turn to steer me away from my dreams. Not having a partner that supported me crushed my spirit, and was slowly killing me, so I applaud your ability to support your partner, even if it might have seemed a little scary at first.
I believe supporting your partner is very important. Your partner doesn't have to do exactly what you like and want just what you want to be good with you. It's important in a relationship to support your partner in their interests, passions and in their career. Loving someone means supporting their wants and needs. It also means being willing to go along when they want something a little crazy and supporting and loving every second of their journey.
Well CakeGirl, I gotta say I really enjoyed what you wrote. I can't imagine what it feels like to be a wife go figure. I just how it feels chasing flames & responding to medicals is like. I can remember sometimes long hrs with already very little sleep that were on a mission and everyone IS coming home!! It's honor to know wives as yourself that understand what we do. It takes a strong man/woman to do what we do...... But a stronger spouse to understand. I guess I'm pulling double duty w/the Sheriff dept. Plus other things,lol. Anyways, I'm sure Micah is feels very blessed to have a caring understanding wife. As a fellow FF its a great pleasure knowing women like you. Thank you for your support & understanding for Micah (Sgt. Backlund) 8).
ReplyDeleteJenifer that is so true. I always try and remember to not steal my kid's dreams. Like in the movie, Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith tells his son to not let anyone steal your dreams. Not even if it was him. I try not to tell them, you aren't big enough to do that. Who am I to say that? Now, I realize if he is trying to make chocolate milk all by himself, and fils his glass all the way with syrup, that this is the perfect time to day that.. But he still cries when I do. :)
ReplyDeleteI encourage you to go for your dreams. You have seeds of greatness in you. You are a warrior princess. You can do it babe!
@We go in, thank you so so much for saying that. That means so much to me, coming from a FF such as yourself. It is normally a thankless job, most days. Instead filled with some sort of toy hitting me in the head. Lol. It really makes a difference knowing that someone hears what I am saying. I am honored to be in the spot I am in, though sometimes I have to remind myself. I just hope that this blog can relate to someone out there. Maybe help them out. I would have been lost with out the books I read and the people who supported me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the conversation. Feel free to share!
My husband is a full-time firefighter at a local department, and I must say, I love his schedule. He works 3 days a week (24's), then has 4 days off in a row. I actually don't mind the time apart because it gives me a chance to get stuff done, plus I think I cherish the time he is home a little more (absence makes the heart grow fonder kind of thing). He also has a side-job and he's in nursing school, but I work full-time as well so it just works really well for us.
ReplyDeleteI would love that!! Volunteer is so different. They are paid on call. So if he is on a shift, he has to be home so he van run out. It works out really well now that I am used to it. I like thetime alone with the kids. The freedom to do what I want. Its more the chaos that comes with the I could be here all day, or five minutes here and there, or none. Who knows?... Just trying to keep the house sort of clean, and trying to time a meal for him, keeps me on my toes. How do you do it?
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't cook, for one. He's known that about me since we met, so he's used to it (plus he's a great cook and enjoys cooking). We pretty much split the housework. If he's home, he does it; if I'm home, I do. If we're both home, we do it together and then do something fun. I can imagine that being on call would be more difficult... It's probably hard to plan anything. How often is he on call? Sometimes my husband will get called in for emergency overtime to help with a fire or something but it's always optional.
ReplyDeleteHe is in call on mondays. They have usually have a training once a week. Plus a couple saturdays a month. on top of that as a fire fighter you have to make ten percent of the calls. So you get to choose which ones sorta, which was nice. Though it is alot of midnight runs so you can keep your percentage up.
ReplyDeleteNow that he ous an officer, he has to hit 25%. He teaches the kids at school and latchkey a Safe at Home program he runs. they also made him a fire investigator. Which he loves. Then he will have an on call weekend as an officer. Friday through sunday. They county has three full time fire fighters, so they sit at the station monday through friday six am till six pm waiting for calls. That way there is at least those three to show up on calls. Micah its paid on call, so he just hangs out at home for those three days. It is very hectic. If we plan anything, he takes the time off and gets coverage, if its available. He also runs an asphalt company, which is weather dependent. Lol.
A normal day is him, waking up early to get things ready for the guys to work. Than breakfast, followed by him trying to make professional calls, while I shoosh the kids, a million times, while they play wii Star Wars our watch Dora. Lol. I clean up as best I can while all that is going on. I call it a successful day if I can get the kids out of the house to play, I get to zumba and take a shower, if Micah doesn't lose his mind quoting, bidding jobs, and keeping up with what disaster happens that day, and I get some healthy food in their bellies. Night time is when he really goes on most of his calls. It may be days of none, than weeks where it is every night. Man, it tires me out just thinking of it! If I have a cake to make, it gets even crazier, trying to keep the boys happy and keep their fingers out of my creations....
Actually Caden, my four year old now, had somehow ruined every single one of the cakes I made, until he was three. Each time, some how he would sneak in after it was all done and stick his finger in it. So I would have to go in and mend whatever hole he created for figure he ate. Kids!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post. My married an elementary teacher 14 years ago and wound up with a FT FF. We had four kids (our youngest was an 8 month-old 29 week preemie)when he asked the same thing. He started out as 1 of 5,000+ to take the initial exam and was the highest non-military, non-FF on the list. We went through the second class of that list in the summer of 2010. I thought I was going to die! 14 weeks of the academy, while starting a new job at a new school two counties away, with 4 kids in 3 schools. OMG. But, he was miserable teaching in the school/district he was in. The sacrifice for our family was great, but so worth.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found your blog, mind if I add it to the list on mine??
Absolutely!! Feel free to let me know what yours is, do I can follow you. & welcome to the family! Glad you found us too!!
ReplyDeleteWhew! Rereading this entry gets me all fired up and proud again. I am pregnant with our third boy now, 26 weeks, so I am a little behind on the blog entries... It has been the toughest one yet.! I am still getting sick some mornings! My oldest is in kindegarten, which is a new adventure to add to the mix. Hooray!!!